Clear Boundaries — Notes And Worksheet

1. Understand The Pattern

A reason can make your answer easier to understand. But sometimes you keep adding reasons because you are uneasy about the other person’s reaction. That is a possibility to reflect on, not a diagnosis.

Try separating two goals: giving relevant information, and making sure nobody feels disappointed. You can control how clearly and respectfully you speak; you cannot always control someone else’s feelings.

2. When Context Helps

A brief explanation may be useful for work commitments, shared responsibilities, a change of plans or an important relationship. Honour existing obligations and explain practical consequences. “Keep it brief” does not mean withholding information someone reasonably needs.

Example: “I can’t take this on today because the current deadline comes first. Which task should we prioritise?”

3. A Simple Response Structure

Courtesy → Clear Answer → Relevant Context, If Needed.

Invitation: “Thanks for asking, but I can’t this time.”
Extra request: “I can’t add another task this week.”
Shared plans: “I can’t make Friday. Could we choose another day?”
Repeated request: “I understand. My answer is still no.”

Offer an alternative only if you genuinely want to and can follow through. Practise with ordinary, low-pressure requests.

4. Your Boundary Worksheet

What Was The Request?What Commitments Or Practical Responsibilities Matter?My Long First ResponseWhat Reaction Am I Worried About?Which Information Does The Other Person Actually Need?My Short, Respectful ResponseIf They Ask Again, What Can I Calmly Repeat?

5. Practise And Review

Read your short response aloud in a calm, natural tone. Notice whether it states your answer clearly. Remove repeated apologies or details that do not help the person understand.

One Low-Pressure Situation To Practise InWhat Happened When I Tried It?What Did I Learn? What Would I Adjust?

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Original educational notes informed by Centre for Clinical Interventions assertiveness resources. Reflection, not diagnosis. Explore the source resources.